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Heart for saleWhen I was young, I used to not think
before I talked, now I choke and die in warzones,
on politeness and hydrochloric acid fumes.
When I was young, I used to not think
about the way I walked, now I teeter along on
the edges of the gyri and fissurae of my brain.
When I was young, I used to not take
so many pills; pills that cause cerebellar ataxia
and disrupt the conduit of my precocious ingenuity -
When I was young, the pins and needles
inside my heart, didn't use to be and didn't
rattle like a poor man's dimes inside a coffee cup.
When I was young, I didn't use to be alone,
didn't use to be left on my own to think and scare
myself to death of this self that I had to get to know.
Nyx and ErebusNot much more than a shift in the phase, really
of the waves that make up this whole world is all
that it takes to make the void of shadows collapse
into makeshift flesh and brittle bones infused
with the charm of the unknown and the lingering
doubt that spreads from these things that you
better never should have known.
I am the god of darkness, and I use to take form
as nothingness incarnate - and move through this
beautiful world while you're with me all the time,
being what doesn't reflect in the eyes of passersby,
my demimonde goddess, since you are the night.
I swallow gazes in the blackness of my eyes and
cause lesions in peoples' brains when reading
their minds - I used to think this was fun, flickering
on and off - very subtly - at the edges of their vision,
making them jitter and fear they'd go insane until
they'd try to chase me down - nowadays
by switching on a hundred thousand electric lights.
I feel so weak and out of place in this day and age!
My gorgeous bride, who I lov
The Giant SquidSo it's true, the giant squids from the Nordic myths,
they do exist. And there you are, having struggled
half your life to get to the bottom of the inner workings
of your own mind; until in time they show you how
to douse the burning spirit and how to reconcile
with the beaten path they put you on for you to trod
along through the rest of this splendid adult life.
Much like the giant squid that undulates in darkness
eternally, three hundred fathom deep, you now slither
away and avert your eyes from these lights that had once
exhilarated and drawn you in. You blame it on the climate
change that it's always overcast, but in truth you know
your eager eyes have become slowly clouded
and your irides are speckled now - too many horrors
have been raining in and spoiled their lustre with
murky spots of dark necrotic skin.
These days, you have long since given up thinking
about giant squids, and realms unknown - no news
is good news, now. And so - walking alone along the beach
Cyanide HeartLying on the lawn on an autumn day,
I weep with the culms of grass,
long with the leaves on the trees;
with these blind spots in my vision,
no sun, but black holes puncture
this very dreary sky.
Light flares burned these holes in my retinas,
watching the goddess in the evening dress
smoke her cigarette - sunshine bursting
from quaternion equations; indescribable
beauty in thousands of iterations.
I kissed a hundred denatonium
stained lips since I ceased
being rich and now my arm is shattered
and I can't play the cello anymore.
You took the sun with you when
you left and made being alive
nothing but a distant memory.
There is no life without light;
there's no life without light,
no life without love, no love
left in this blazing darkened sky.
Oh, there's nothing quite like a day spent
in a cloud of ether vapour - amazing
what fun things you can do with
a Bunsen burner...
The others in the lab keep pretending
our work still had a point. They don't know
that the very matter, dark and l
Helsinki BayBuzzed driving is drunk driving,
they say. And what if this buzz
is driving me insane?
Your eyes were marbles, filled
with waters from Helsinki Bay.
You never lied to me, or so you say.
I'm eight years younger and fuck
eight times better than the boys
that you have known -
Watching people jump off Golden
Gate Bridge, we combined forms,
keeping awake everyone in the dorm...
Wake up. Rubber touchdown, hard on concrete;
my youth is waning while the mileage grows
by virtue of black hole eyes - And
this my only talent of reading people -
my success comes from manipulating,
coercing and killing the feeble.
Is it blessing or curse, that I look
this good in a suit...it's a hundred thousand miles!
Goddamn it! Why do these Helsinki eyes -
why do they still burn in my mind?
SungrazerThe cost of catharsis was my peace of mind -
and the ability to feel at ease with pattering
cocktail party chatter.
nowadays, metal staples hold my smile in place
and I get sick from the sound of my own voice
ever since I noticed all that still drips from my face
are old insipid lines I have regurgitated
one too many times.
Staring into my empty glass, I feel panic and repulsion
converge in my mind, knowing that neither any number
of Manhattans I could drink tonight, nor the cocaine
we just did upstairs in remembrance of the old times,
will cauterize the memory of answers to questions
I never should have asked.
Not too long ago I indulged fully in blissful superficiality.
I played my role as the handsome libertine so perfectly;
always getting away with having more fun
than I was entitled to -
Maybe I stared at the sun for too long,
and in her summer hued light the softest breeze
swept over me and took away my charm and coy
and now there's really nothing left of me -
so rest assured tha
If only you were hereI wish that you were here,
to twist the knife inside my wounds
and be both the devil and the deep blue sea -
to you I sold and in you I sunk my soul.
And yet it's all forgiven now;
I'd give in and give away again,
if only you could be here. You,
your cigarettes, your eyes and hair
wherever I go, you're everywhere.
Life with you was no life;
some sort of paradise, in other words -
so if only you were there,
to drag me out of here.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More